Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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