How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
