I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
