So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
