"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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