I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
