too bad you live with your parents still
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
