he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
