Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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