I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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