I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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