3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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