I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
