I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
