3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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