Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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