Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
