Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
