you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I need to align my fucking chakras
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
