i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
