I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
