I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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