tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
