I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
