how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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