why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
