where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
