there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
