Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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