well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
