I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize