Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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