i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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