I feel like I'm in dance class right now
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
