I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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