I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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