2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
