My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
