you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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