he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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