Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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