oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
