I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
