I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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