So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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