Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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