My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
