omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
