I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i think my cat just said my name.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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