So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
