Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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