people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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