A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
