Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
