if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
