at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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