the condom got lost in my hair
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Randomize
