Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i was born a porn star she said
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
