i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize