Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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