I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
