Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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