You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
