I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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