i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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