Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Let's get the cat blown out
I want a musical about memes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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