Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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