he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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