We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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