Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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