No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
