I accidentally burped into my bong.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
